Harry Potter and the Great Mistletoe Mishaps
by Wile
Summary: Harry's Troubles with Mistletoe through the years. A little humor, a little romance, lots of fun!


Disclaimer: JKR owns the whole Potterverse and I'm really not worth suing.

* * *

Mistletoe: that evil holiday related plant that, in the magical world of witches and wizards, got one stuck kissing people one did not wish to kiss. Harry hated it with a passion and by his seventh year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry he was blowing every damned piece of mistletoe in his sight to smithereens.

Hermione was once brave and asked him why he hated it so much. He told her quite simply: "I always get stuck with people I do not fancy, will not fancy, and quite frankly would never wish to kiss even if it meant I would get to live in peace in harmony."

It all started fourth year with Cedric Diggory. They were leaving to pick up their dates at the same time and ended up running into each other in the hall. Dumbledore had charmed several clumps of mistletoe to float around the castle catching students and staff alike unawares. It didn't take long for this clump to find Harry and Cedric. They hadn't done anything more than bump into one another but that was enough. The mistletoe floated over and wouldn't let them go anywhere without first kissing. So, they resigned themselves to it and gave each other a quick peck. Easy enough . . . except that they still couldn't go anywhere. So they tried a slightly lingering kiss. No such luck. Finally, Cedric in frustration said, "Harry, don't take this the wrong way, but I really need to be going." He firmly grabbed Harry and shoved his tongue down Harry's throat. Harry, who'd never even kissed a girl at this point, was in complete and utter shock and had no time to react. Fortunately, it was over before he could even think to respond to Cedric. Cedric was long gone when Harry regained his composure.

Fifth year was Ron of all people. This time it was mistletoe placed above the boys' dormitory door by some rather impish Gryffindor girls. It was Christmas morning and Ron was had bounded to Harry's bed to wake him up. Harry only wanted to sleep after spending another night with Umbridge writing "I must not tell lies" over and over again. Ron didn't care about that though. He only wanted presents. So it was that Harry was literally dragged from bed and out the door, well, except that they only got halfway through the door when Ron was suddenly stopped. Harry looked up and groaned loudly at what he saw. Why was it always with other guys? Why couldn't it have been some super model? Anyone was better than Ron, his best friend. Well, okay, maybe not Filch or Snape or Dumbledore . . . or a long list of people. Ron looked rather sheepish as he realized why they were stuck. "Um, Harry . . ."

"Shut up, Ron!" Harry sighed heavily and kissed Ron rather deeply to make sure the spell would break. Harry ran down the stairs as quickly as possible leaving a very confused Weasley behind. Fortunately, no one witnessed the exchange.

Sixth year was at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. And the poor unsuspecting people included Severus Snape and Molly Weasley among others. By this point Harry had suspected and waited for magical mistletoe to come his way, but he was still unable to avoid it. The fact he was in a house crammed with people only made it even harder to avoid. Everyone had their fare share of mistletoe problems since Dumbledore had insisted on the vile plant, but Harry had it the worst, followed by the potions master who ended up scowling and yelling more in one day than anyone thought possible. Of course, some would argue he was not entirely unlucky, but we will come to that in a moment.

First, Harry ran in to Dumbledore. The headmaster was full of his usual Christmas cheer despite everything that had happened in the first half of the school year. He was not entirely thrilled at the prospect of kissing Harry, but he did nonetheless in order to keep with tradition. Harry made a pact to never ever grow a beard like Dumbledore's when and if he got married. He was sure he had actually swallowed part of the old coot's beard entirely by accident because it was so unavoidable. Next came Molly Weasley. At least she was a woman, but Harry was not entirely thrilled at the prospect of a) kissing his best friend's mother and b) doing it while Arthur Weasley was in the room. While it was by far the least unpleasant of all the kisses Harry had to this point, it was still one he would much rather have back. The one's he wanted back more than any other's were the kisses he had to share with Snape. They crossed paths three times and each time nearly had to deep throat each other in order to have the spell wear off. Much cursing and hexing occurred before each of them, mostly from the potions master. Harry certainly had no desire to get to know the man so intimately, but he was more scarred by an occurrence between Snape and mistletoe that he witnessed rather than having had part in.

At one point, later one evening, Harry wandered to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He stopped short and nearly dropped the glass on his way back to bed when he saw Snape and Hermione getting rather enthusiastic under some mistletoe. He tried to walk away, but found he couldn't move his legs from the shock. Harry wasn't sure if it was because Snape was being intimate with a woman, if it was because Snape was getting intimate with Hermione, if it was because he realized he saw Hermione as a woman for the first time then and there, or if it was because Hermione was getting intimate with Snape of all people. He figured it was a bit of all of them. The whole thing was only broken up by the fact that when Harry did regain control of all his faculties again, he had seen way more than he ever intended to see between the two people in front of him, and he ended up stumbling on his own two feet thus crashing to the ground and breaking up the pair. Harry wasn't sure who was more embarrassed, but he did not stay around to find out.

Now it was the Christmas of his seventh year. Hermione and Snape announced their marriage at the end of the school year. Harry was the only one not shocked completely by the statement; everyone insisted on knowing why, but he never would tell. Mistletoe was everywhere but Harry was ready for it. He blasted every single bit of green the crossed his path into even tinier bits of green. He was determined to spend Christmas mistletoe mishap free. Except there was one small problem standing in his way.

"Come on Potter. Let's see if you're as good as everyone says you are," Draco Malfoy taunted with a smirk. He was either in for some serious pain or some serious pleasure.

End


End file.
